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A Real Girl's Expert Tips — How to Find a Girlfriend (Online)
For many women, oddly aggressive, sometimes threatening interactions with men are an all-too-familiar feature of Internet dating. The misconduct comes in a range of forms: Quite often, a sexually explicit photo arrives out of the blue. At its worst, the weirdness escalates into a barrage of insults or threats, and in some cases, physical violence.
Online dating can turn very weird very quickly. Shortly after its launch in Octoberthe account went viral and now boasts nearly half-a-million followers. With that surge has come an uptick in uncomfortable experiences, especially for women. This perception of danger may not be unfounded.
A recent report from the U. As that study points out, the general tendency for rape to be vastly underreported means that that number is likely lower than the reality.
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But for many women, the vulgar hostility they face in online spaces feels too close for comfort, especially in the context of location-based dating apps, when a face-to-face interaction with a stranger is just a few messages away. Since its viral Instagram success, Bye Felipe has expanded into a cross-media feminist brand, complete with a podcastanti-harassment petitionsand a live, Internet dating-themed comedy show in Los Angeles. Clearly, Tweten has struck a nerve: The dark underbelly of online dating, particularly for women, is very real.
But just as apps and hyper-connectivity seem to enable atrocious behavior, they can also used to expose and counteract it. Between startups designing more female-friendly dating apps and various forms of cyber-activism, entrepreneurs and Internet vigilantes alike are aiming to clean up Internet dating and perhaps improve offline behavior as well. Similar forces slashed the music industry in half.
Social networks changed news, activism, and privacy before anybody knew what happened. Just as Uber is rewiring transportation or insert your disruptive tech example of choice heredating apps are rapidly rewiring romance and sexuality. These shifts almost always come with some kind of fallout. But navigating cities is one thing; Navigating intimacy and human emotion is quite another. So why do nearly half of female online daters experience some kind of unwanted contact?
Some technological, like the ubiquity of smartphones, geolocation, social media, and anonymity. And some societal and psychological, like narcissism, insecurity, entrenched misogyny, and dating rituals and attitudes that go back centuries. Indeed, it may well be that there is a fundamental disconnect in expectations between many men and women and that technology has put a magnifying glass over it and let it simmer.
But at the same time, the pressure to weed out the creepiness is heating up as well.
How Women Are Swiping The Weirdness Out Of Online Dating
But armed with data about how its users behave, Tinder is trying to shake that stigma. The app requires users to connect their accounts to Facebook to limit anonymity, offers simple abuse reporting tools which can be used to call out offline behavior as welland has a policy of banning repeat offenders.
Once unlocked, Tinder Social allows users to create friend groups within the app and use geolocation to find other groups of people to meet up with.
But just as Snapchat grew out of its reputation as a teen sexting app and into a social media phenomenon, Tinder has matured into a more mainstream service that people use for much more than sex. Indeed, a casual swipe through the profiles of women on Tinder reveals a common request: You can read an interview with Carbino about Tinder user behavior here.
A New Swarm Of Female-Friendly Dating Apps As mainstream dating services attempt to dial back the weirdness, they face a new competitive pressure from a new crop of female-created apps designed to make the song-and-dance of digital courtship more friendly to women.
The most well-known example is Bumblea two-year-old app that sports the now familiar photo-centric, left-right swiping interface of modern dating apps, but adds features aimed at empowering women and ensuring conversations remain tasteful. The app also welcomes users from the LGBTQ community, and in those cases, allows either party to initiate a chat. Often, that hope gives way to frustration and insults.
Society tells women that your value is your looks. So far, it seems to be working: On an average day,women start conversations. And although the app has amassed 7 million users as of JulyBumble has only received a total of abuse reports since its launch two years ago, according to Wolfe. Most recently, Bumble even inched toward LinkedIn territory with the announcement of BumbleBizza feature for making professional connections.
Bumble leads a growing selection of alternative dating apps designed for women, usually by women. Coffee Meets BagelSirenand Her formerly Dattch all take their own stab at making Internet dating a safer, more civilized experience overall. The Grade is an app that gives a letter grade to each user based on their likability and conduct on the service, including their responsiveness, civility, and even grammar. It being the future and all, engineers are even throwing artificial intelligence at the Internet dating weirdness problem.
The creators of Burner, an app that lets people route their phones and texts through a fake, throw-away number, recently launched a feature called Ghostbot. Once enabled, it quarantines unwanted suitors or anybody else off into a dead-end conversation with a noncommittal chatbot. Tweten, who tested Ghostbot early on with real sample messages from Bye Felipe, likes that it lets users monitor potentially threatening messages without getting fully roped into them.
If nothing else, this flood of alternative dating apps and new features could have the longterm effect of helping to make Internet dating more friendly to women. It borrowed a page from the creep-shaming playbook with an open letter to a user who was reported for going on a sexist tirade after he matched with a woman, whose innocuous small talk about work apparently struck a nerve.
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